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Whether it is because the child has to start nursery school, because you have to go do something, or because you simply want to go out to dinner with your partner again without carrying a dozen diapers and bottles in your backpack, there is a moment when the child he must assume that he must separate from his parents, and that is always a trauma, for both parties. Be that as it may, You never have to leave home without saying goodbye to your son, we will tell you why.
One of the first dramas that we experience, both children and parents, is the separation of our children when the time has come for incorporation to work, or for any other reason that causes having to leave our child, from whom we have not separated since he was born.
In search of avoiding that difficult moment of separation there are parents who choose to "disappear suddenly", leave the house without saying goodbye to their child, without the child realizing it at first and thus saving the anguish of seeing him cry inconsolably, but this practice, which often seems to us the best way to deal with the situation, is totally discouraged by psychologists.
The best thing, always and in any context, is to say goodbye to our children, even if that means more than a lump in the throat for us and a tantrum for our children. That you do not hear the child cry does not mean that he will feel less your estrangement, but it will also worsen the situation since noticing your unforeseen absence may experience a feeling of abandonment, anguish and despair.
Disappearing may shock the child with crying and anger, followed by separation anxiety, but later, not knowing when you will return, or if you will escape again without him noticing, you will experience a feeling of insecurity and you will feel deeply confused.
Psychologists assure that These "French" separations also generate fear, And when you return he will feel more attached to you for fear that you will "abandon" him again, as well as feeling guilty believing that he has done something wrong, suffering his self-esteem.
If, on the contrary, you choose to say goodbye to him and explain to him, no matter how small, that you will be back in a short time, Although at first the child cries, later he will be able to verify that what you said is true, so a climate of trust will be created and, little by little, they will understand that you always come back. Also, that trust will be very important in the future in your relationship with your son.
The best thing to do is:
- Notify you about 15 minutes before you go.
- Prepare a plan for him for when you are not with him. For example: “when you stay with your grandmother, you can ask her to read you the story you prefer”.
- Tell him when you will returnAlthough he does not understand the concept of time, you can always show him a watch and show him where the hands should be, and of course, be punctual.
- By last, establish a goodbye routine, short so that you do not suffer too much, but that will help you to take control of the situation.
Think that crying before your separation is the most normal thing in the world, let him say goodbye to you, and he will learn to control his emotions little by little.
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